This is the craziness of grief. If you cry you wonder if you will ever stop and if you don't cry you wonder if your forgetting. Every action, every thought becomes a jumbled mess. It's like constantly playing tug of war with your thoughts. Good than bad, happy than sad. This is madness.
I think I just want a break from the feelings. I want to just be, I don't want to think about it anymore. Of course I know that I can't be in a place like that... there is always a reminder, always a thought, no escape for the rest of my life.