Sunday, August 2, 2009

lost comforts...

My children are away at the lake with my in-laws.  I'm enjoying some free time but starting to feel a bit anxious having them away so long.  I know they will be safe and happy but I still have a loss of control which causes me to lose a bit of sleep.  The curse of motherhood...

I went out with some girlfriends this evening.  It was mellow but fun.  Definitely had some laughs, some conversations about life.  I enjoy my time with my friends -- always have.  My husband always encouraged me to spend time with my friends because he knew how much I enjoyed it.  Yet I'm coming home to an empty house.  I can't rehash the night with him.  I can't come home and have him waiting up for me.  I miss him.  I miss my best friend.  

I hate being at the bar having the guys looking, waiting for  an opportunity to jump in a woman's pants.  This is not what I signed up for, this is not what I want.  Not that I'm looking but where else do you find a person?  I don't want to look for a person.  I want my husband!

How does a 30+ year old accept the life as a single person?  A life that I did not intend to have.  I try to be positive but there still is a need to have my best friend-- to hold me, laugh with me, inspire me, and love me.  I still want those things in my life.  It's all the simple things I miss.  I miss having someone wait up for me.  I miss someone to check in with.  I miss someone who will have breakfast with me in the morning.  I miss, I miss but that does not change the reality.  

I still want those simple pleasures in life but now it is about accepting the reality and being open to receiving those gifts from someone else.  I'm not ready for someone else, yet I long for those simple insignificant things in life.  Insignificant but so important...I wish others could appreciate the simple things.  

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